Feeling Guilty for Being Sick

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Feeling Guilty for Being Sick

Picking up the latest cold or stomach bug is never on my agenda. I don’t often get sick, but when I do I usually can reflect back and see the early signs of something coming on. My family has been sick a few times in the past year and somehow I was able to stay well and healthy. My daughter is two and a half and when she’s sick it means extra snuggles for me. When Dan is sick, he turns into what I refer to as a man-baby, but I grant him grace, make him soup and rub his head and feet. I have clients cancel when they’re sick because they know it’s not smart to encourage the spread of a bug in our community. Why is it that when I get sick, I have to go through a series of emotions before I finally come to a place of granting MYSELF some grace?

I was incredibly sick yesterday and am still feeling the repercussions. Looking back I can recall a headache beginning 4 days prior. I amped up the water, eliminated sugar and minimized caffeine consumption. The next day two clients called to reschedule their appointments (universe telling me to rest?). The following day I helped out at a baby and family expo for several hours shaking hands with everyone, handling papers, holding the hand of a lost child and smiling for a great photo-op with Spiderman and Superwoman. My daughter also had the time of her life in the bounce house with all of the other snot nosed, sticky handed kids. I was exhausted at the end of it all. Day four of the headache began with a very challenging work meeting where I ate a donut. I thought a heated vinyasa class the the perfect detox for the evening. Then came day five.

I woke up with an even stronger headache and immediately began trying to convince myself the wavy feeling in my gut was nothing. A shower and stretching didn’t help. I canceled my first appointment of the day which was at my dentist office. I didn’t feel like having my mouth poked at with a headache and figured if I didn’t feel rushed to leave, I would surely feel better. Half an hour later it was clear my body was not interested in keeping food down. I rationalized I made a poor breakfast choice. I continued to entertain my daughter while guilt began to consume me. “I can’t cancel on a postpartum mother” battled in my head with “What if I get there and puke and her baby gets sick” which then turned into “My boss is going to be so mad at me!” I was off to the races with ridiculous, time-wasting thoughts of how I was going to have to cancel my whole work week, then cancel plans to leave town this weekend so I could make up the extra work, which then meant a whole weekend without my daughter…I’ll spare you the rest. Let’s just say I was being a bit over-dramatic.

Here’s the truth of it all. People get sick and then they usually get better. No one would prefer to be around a sick person if they do not have to be. I had to put aside my ego and trust that the families and clients I had to adjust appointments with would fine. The laundry would be fine and so would the dishes. In fact, I would be fine if I allowed myself to truly rest, regroup and reconnect.

I rescheduled the rest of my commitments for the day. I even renegotiated a commitment for the following day (today) to take some of the pressure off. Plus if there was anything lingering, it would not be appropriate to work with a newborn. Both of my bosses were sorry I was sick and asked how they could help. One made herself available the rest of the week if I still needed coverage. My mom checked in and said she was willing to help with anything. The offer sounded lovely and I rested until she arrived. She made my daughter dinner, helped clean a bit and prepared her for bed. I turned the lights off at 9:00pm and woke up at 7:00am feeling like a new person.

Today I left the house and it felt good to get fresh air. My daughter was in daycare and I had the day to do a little paperwork, pick up new toothbrushes (because eww) and put my feet up. I ate toast and it was delicious. I granted myself grace and so did everyone else. I’m a massage therapist and postpartum doula. I’m a mother to a sweet, adventurous and creative little girl. I’m constantly in “nurture mode.” I do well with self care, but I can easily forget that it’s okay for me to be nurtured, too. In fact it’s necessary. Not just by others, but perhaps more importantly by myself. It’s also necessary for me to ask for help. This is not always my first instinct, but I’m getting better as the years go on.

Here’s to a restful evening, a pleasant day at work tomorrow, and a restorative three day weekend to follow.

 

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Training Week 23

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Training Week 23

Oh, I’m training for a marathon? You wouldn’t know it by looking at my workout schedule this week. I only ran twice: once on Tuesday and once on Thursday. I didn’t even get my 8 miles in on Saturday. We were traveling and due to a miscommunication, I missed out on my chance to run. I’m a little bummed and nervous. On the flip side, if I can’t run a marathon by now, I’m sure one more week of training wouldn’t make much of a difference. Or maybe I’m just telling myself to feel better about the situation.

Seven days, folks. One week. My heart pumps faster each time I think about the race. I feel nuts for doing this. I also feel empowered and excited. My two girlfriends running the race have also had struggles this week. One was nailed in the knee with a line drive at her softball game. The other is getting over an intense cold. We can do this though, right??? Yes.

I don’t have too much to add for this post. It’s officially the final countdown. I hope Europe’s number one hit is stuck in your head.

 

Training Week 22

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Training Week 22

We’re home! Our vacation was 12 days long and we drove a little over 2,400 miles. Whew! The last day was the roughest. We were able to visit a friend I haven’t seen on years on the way home, but of course we talked forever. Once 11:00pm hit and we were only in Knoxville, we decided to get a hotel. We only slept about 4 hours, but the brief stop was totally worth it.

I did not make running a priority since my 20 mile run. 5 days went by with nothing more than a few walks with my family. Once we were settled back home, I had a great 8 mile run Wednesday, a fast 4 miles on Thursday, and what felt like an incredibly short 12 miles on Saturday. I still chuckle when I say 12 miles felt like a breeze. What a cool place to be in with my training! The Gazelle Summer Safari Training is done for the year so I ran by myself.

The marathon is in two weeks. Am I ready? No! Yes, IDK!! I’m excited and I feel a bit nervous. I’m not worried that I will not finish. I’m a little nervous because it’s something new, we get to run in and out of Canada, and I have no idea what to wear.

14 day countdown!

Training Week 21

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Training Week 21

I had a very hard time fitting all of my runs in this week. We drove from Florida to Charleston, SC Tuesday and stayed for five nights. Dan’s sister, Sara, and I went for a run together the night we arrived. Showed me a 2 mile route she often runs, and I continued on for 5 more miles. I was supposed to run 10 miles, but the sun went down sooner than I prepared for. I ran past Memorial Stadium, and Joseph P Riley, Jr. Park. The later is where the Charleston Riverdogs play. They’re a minor league baseball team affiliated with the Yankees. Bill Murray is a partial owner! I had my fingers crossed I would run into him. I mean, it seems practical right? He’s just be standing around at 6:30pm on a Tuesday waiting for me to run into him. HA! Oh, well.

My birthday was Wednesday. I have the COOLEST family. After my run they took of to work on a surprise. Here is what they did:

folly boat

This is the Folly Boat.┬áThe Folly Boat is a Charleston, SC legend and landmark that was washed ashore near Folly Beach during Hurricane Hugo. After nobody claimed the boat, passers-by began painting messages and pictures on the boat. I was told it is a “right of passage.” How cool!

Sara’s wedding was on Saturday, which is the whole reason we were taking this road trip in the first place. Because of this, I chose to move my 20 mile run to Friday. I did it. I finished it. My GPS did not. My phone battery died at 19.6 miles. I knew I had at least half of a mile to go so I’m not sure what my official time/distance was. That’s ok!! I finished it, alone and in a new city. Woo hoo! I mostly ran out and turned around, but I did get a little mixed up here and there. The new sights to see really helped me finish this long run without a buddy. I ran across the beautiful Arthur Ravenel, Jr. Bridge. I stopped and snagged a selfie and used it as the featured photo for this blog.

We stayed at The Cottages at Patriot’s Point. Everyone was gone from the cottage when I returned from my run. It was lovely to take a shower and stretch and get ready for the day in peace. We headed out to get manicures and pedicures for the wedding after I was ready. What a treat that was! It’s not too often someone is there to soak and rub my feet and calves, and even polish my nails. And by not often, I mean never. I didn’t get another run in before we left for home. That’s ok, at least I finished my 20 mile run. I’m looking forward to tapering over the next couple weekends before the race.
bargeIMG_7710

Thanks for a lovely visit, Charleston!

Training Week 20

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Training Week 20

If only my well thought out, strategically planned running schedule would work out every week. We opted to leave town Thursday and drive through the night instead of leaving Friday morning. I’m so glad we did, but the change did not leave time for my run Thursday after work. I also slept through my alarm Saturday morning and was not able to run my long run. It was only 10 miles so I guess I don’t feel that bad about it. I still put in 14 miles for the whole week.

My 13 month old daughter slept through the night while we headed to Georgia. It was around 7am when she started to wake up. We were about 30 minutes outside of Nashville, so we decided it was a perfect place to have breakfast. If you’re ever in the city, I highly recommend The Pancake Pantry. It’s a mom and pop restaurant that prides itself in being a Nashville tradition. Looking back it’s kind of funny because I don’t think we even ordered pancakes. Dan said his french toast was the best he’s ever had. This is perhaps because they tasted like bacon, most likely from the grease not being cleaned away. I had a couple eggs and toast. Or was it eggs and a pancake? I can’t remember. I blame it on the lack of sleep from the long drive.

After leaving this slice of heaven, we soon hit the mountains. We didn’t have to be anywhere until 10:30am Saturday (Georgia Aquarium) so we searched for things to do along the way. Amicalola Falls, which is eight miles south of the start of the Appalachian Trail popped up in the search. I figured since I didn’t run Thursday, a hike to a waterfall would be a good substitute. The hike itself was only half a mile or so, but the steps and trails were quite steep. It was absolutely breathtaking and the perfect pick me up from the hours already spent in the car.

We lucked out with traffic around Atlanta and were cozy in our hotel room eating dinner by 7:30. Cicilia did so great sleeping in a hotel for the first time. As I mentioned earlier, I overslept and missed my run on Saturday. We walked all around Atlanta though, checking out the CNN building, the Georgia Aquarium, a giant ferris wheel and a seemingly endless and playful park. Next stop Florida.

Training Week 19

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Training Week 19

It was such a sigh of relief to only run 12 miles for my long run this week. I made an effort to up my self care this week. I received a massage, stretched more every night and morning, and only ran three additional days instead of four. Labor Day was Monday so I even had an extra day off from work. I can hardly believe I’m saying this, but 12 miles felt like a breeze!

We’re leaving for 12 days next week which means I’ll be running my long runs on my own. I’ve really enjoyed dropping in with the Summer Safari group and appreciate not having to worry about my water supply. We’re driving from Michigan to Georgia to Florida to South Carolina and then back home. With all of our driving and visiting family, I’m worried about finding time to complete all of my runs. If all goes well, i’ll have a 10 mile run in Atlanta and the following long run will be 20 miles in Charleston. What are your tips for sticking to training schedules while traveling?

Training Week 18

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Training Week 18

My 18th week of training and I ran 18 miles on Saturday. The group was running in my home town and I envisioned the run being quite nostalgic. It was my least favorite run yet. In fact, it was horrible. Well, maybe not horrible because I finished and had a decent time, but my body was done around mile 14. I’m not even sure how it happened, but I ran 8:45 minute splits the last 4 miles. I’ve never been that angry while running. I was mad I was running, I was pretty sure I was going to quit training, and I thought everything about running was stupid. HA! Anyone else have this experience with a long run? Maybe even a short run?

On a more positive note, I was able to run with both Shelly and Corey for the long run. We all stuck together until mile 12 and we shifted our own gears. We had a cheering section of turkey. Yes, real turkeys. I was so happy we were running with the Summer Safari group, too, so that we didn’t have to worry about carrying water.

6 more weeks until the marathon!!!